The Madness Of My Heart

~

When you fell in love for the first time,

you must have noticed the madness— 

that intensity with which your heart flutters

when they are around you and make eye contact,

when the butterflies in your stomach can’t decide

which surface to rest on and are all over the place;

The madness, which doesn’t let you sleep at night, when you both are texting

Or your eyes that asses you head to toe in the mirror

when you have your first date, scrutinizing each detail that you adorn,

that madness— fired up all the tiny little hair on my arms

and especially the nape of my neck when you kissed me for the first time

and your arm rested at the small of my back.

My madness turned to jelly and nested in my heart

when your lips touched my forehead, fortifying my love.

It turned into a strong desire to lean on you and to be your pillar,

to cuddle in your arms and also coddle you with all my love, to merge together.

And when we fell apart, you took my madness away with you,

and with it, you also took away my desire to truly love— madly deeply— from my heart.

It was for the better I thought.

I didn’t really “love” love after that, after all.

Time healed, I didn’t wish you back.

It healed more and I didn’t want you back anymore.

But what I did want and wish for,

was the madness of my heart to return home.

~